Let go..

Forgiveness is not just a religious thing,

It’s for Everyone who wants to be emotionally and spiritually Free

I can choose to replay hurtful scenarios in my mind or I can choose to let it go and forgive for the sake of my well being.

I know its easier said then done but seriously if you think about it , replaying hurtful things in your mind and carrying bitterness everywhere you go – sounds more miserable.

Forgiveness is not a one time thing , it’s a daily process.

Choosing every day to forgive is another step closer to complete freedom .

Forgiving yourself is important too

This is something I struggle with daily .. I am quite hard on myself but all it does is ruin my peace and joy.

All humanity is flawed

We have to understand we are imperfect people..this will give us room to have compassion for ourselves.

I am most compelled to forgive myself and others because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross.

Your security is not based on how well you perform, or how long you remain consistent. Your security is in Jesus.

Remember this new covenant is not about YOU and YOUR faithfulness. It’s a promise that GOD made to GOD. Because he could swear by no one greater, he swore by HIMSELF.

In other words, you’re not the guarantor of this covenant. Jesus is. You are the recipient. The beneficiary.

Now there is a reason to live out a godly life. Because you can rest in your security thanks to your heavenly father .

We forgive because he has forgiven us

We love because he first loved us.

Our forgiveness can waver and change but Gods forgiveness is eternal; forever. He is faithful.

When I think about the pain that people or I brought on myself , my pride wants to get angry and rebel, but I’m encouraging myself today to forgive and look forward.

Forgiveness of the wrong done to us is not a unfair action- But a expression of God’s love and grace.

Forgiveness takes time , it’s a day to day process. Choosing love over hate

Choosing life over death; choosing joy over bitterness

Choosing to live in the moment over living in the past .

Choose to surrender your pain of unforgiveness and you will receive your power back.

Let go .

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ONE Day ..

“You know, one day I’ll finally be free and no longer be affected and anchored down by those who deliberately try to hurt me Or put me down, manipulate me and step on my feelings; guilt me; threaten me, make me feel worthless, helpless, useless, antagonize me, or like I am the villain you attempt to make me feel like.

I’m working on it now and even more so, and learning to be assertive and stand up for myself and speak up when needed… Realizing and accepting that words intended to hurt ppl are really just empty efforts, masking deep, unresolved issues inside.

You succumb to your own confirmation biases, your inner demons, you won’t accept it, you don’t work on it, well then you hurt others instead or take it out on them… I will no longer let them take away my power or voice.

I don’t want to compromise myself and let my heart get hardened by others whose hearts have already been hardened.

They need prayers for a wake-up call and change of heart.

As I get older, it’s just getting heavier n heavier to harbor any unforgiveness, anger, resentment, spite and vindictive desires, cursing bad words under my tongue about them,

taking out these issues on other people and their grace 😞 no more, no more… I can’t do it alone. Really do need God- we all do” – Holly saechin

“One day we will all be free from pain & suffering… People may hurt us or betray us .. but remembering that everything is a season not all hurt will last ..

Pain comes and it goes ..

Hurt is painful but does ease with time..

Suffering is frustrating but does fade..

Loneliness is a dark place until you realize whose you are ..

Joy always comes after mourning .

When it rains it also shines.

I dont know why some struggle more than others , but what I do know is that “One day I will be free– I will be Hurt free in heaven. No more tears and no more pain”.

Until then I will strive and push forward even if it hurts.

Life is beautiful when you know whose you are.

My kids are like the Law (10Commandments)

Why are my children so hard to please?

They’re not supposed to be , right?

I envisioned my kids to be; fun, and easygoing but it’s opposite.

If I mess up , or forget to do something on time for them then I immediately become the ” forgetful mom ” .

The feeling of : I’m not “good” ENOUGH creeps in.

– I feel afraid that one day they’ll just grow up and tell me that I wasn’t a great mom ..

Even though I give them all that they need and sometimes want , It still makes me feel like I fall short. I’m not getting that full acceptance as I hoped for.

It gets me angry because I love them and I want to live in freedom with them .

No judgements No guilt No shaming – just A Love relationship .

Then I had a revelation : could it be friends that this is what it’s like living under the Law ? I’m being held to a perfect standard but I’m falling short ?

In the same way..

Why are you trying to please God with works !? When Jesus has already paid our debt in full!?

Why are there So many “Man made Rules that we’re trying to fulfill only becsuse we hear that’s what saves us ?

People and children need to function out of Love ! They need to function out of a willing heart! not because they have to! or they’re afraid of you! but because they know you love them !! My children don’t have to do anything to earn my love because I already love them no matter what .

Friends, I’ve been living under the law these past 10 years in my walk with God. I’m so sad that the enemy has been lying to me all this time and torturing me convincing me that I’m not good enough . I was trying to please God and earn God’s love by my works but it failed me , I was under heavy guilt daily because :

1. I don’t have a home church

2.I’m not praying enough

3.I’m not witnessing

4. I’m not reading the word enough

5.I have anger problems

6. I’m too bad for God

7. I’m a hypocrite

8. I’m a fake Christian etc….

I was afraid all these years that I wouldn’t make it in to heaven because I’m not good enough .. and that I lost my salvation because I “backslid”

But it was a lie! You see if you try serving God under man’s rules and the Law – then you have fallen away from Grace because now your depending on yourself to save you and not Christ!

God set us free from the Law ! We are saved through Grace ALONE AND NOT OF OURSELVES ! I never felt this freedom in my life ! I don’t have to earn my way in to heaven because I am Sealed with Christ! I believe in the finish work of Christ and because of my trusting in Jesus and Belief I am secure in eternity once and for all.

This Is GRACE – unmerrited favor.

You are loved By a God who gave his All for you ! And because of that amazing love I WANT TO SERVE HIM FREELY NO RULES NO LAW JUST RELATIONSHIP ! I am now compelled not to sin because of the great love he has bestowed on us !

When my kids hear that I love them and they Believe that I do- because now I removed the harsh rules and guilty conscience , They will want to respect me and obey me – not because they have to but because they want to out of a love . #MykidsAre Not like the Law! we live our lives under Grace in Christ.

I don’t have to earn my way into salvation I trust in Christs sacrifice for me.

This revelation came thru Jesus Christ a month ago. It was hard ! God is removing the veil of religion that was on my eyes for 10 years!

I am free from all guilt that had me blind. I pray you come to know Jesus our saviour in this way who has paid our debt in full ! We were on our way to hell but Jesus said NO ! because he couldn’t stand the thought to live without us ! And his blood has power to cleanse us from all unrightouesness and give us Grace from day to day.

Romans 10 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved!

Ephesians 2 ⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved,through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast.

Ephesians 1:13 In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise,

Galatians 3:10 But those who depend on the law to make them right with God are under his curse, for the Scriptures say, “Cursed is everyone who does not observe and obey all the commands that are written in God’s Book of the Law.”

Romans 3: 20 Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin. 21 But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Mathew 11:30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Thank you for reading God bless !

My soul is crying.. …

Psalm 131:2 – But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child  is my soul within me.

…My soul is crying like a newborns cry – the cry of a baby’s unbilicle cord being cut and separated from it’s mother; The feeling ofseparation and loneliness is killing me . 

I feel out of breath  , my heart is beating fast- I’m so anxious , I’m bitting my nails like I’m 5 years old , I just want to be close to you again  to feel your heart beat , to hear your words and feel your love for me. … 
But.. No  sin came in and cut me away from you !  Distractions and worry came and overwhelmed me AGAIN,  it began having it’s way in me. 

I’m far from you now and I feel naked and afraid , just like a newborn . Come and restore my spirit. 

 Everything around me is getting old.. there is truly nothing under the sun that hasn’t happened.  

I’m inpatient like a child .. waiting for something new to come … my spirit is fainting needing a refreshing of your holy spirit. 

Insecurities rise up in me and try to rule me .. anger and bitterness try to root itself in me. All because I’m distached from my identity. 

This is why knowing whose we are is important.  

People are not happy today because there lost. There identity is confused. There spiritual unbilicle cord has been cut off by sin and things that are replacing our source of life who is Jesus Christ.  

We go searching for our Identity in the wrong things.  Even when we know it’s wrong, we get caught up with bad habits and addictions. 

I’m sad to say but I’m coming before God once again a mess.  I’m needing his grace right now in my life. I can’t live how I want because I instantly feel depressed I immediately go into a battle with tormenting thoughts and emotions that bring me down, I need Jesus desperately, he is the air that I breath. He is my father and my identity.  
My prayer ,

I’m broken before you God, crying like a child missing you and needing you, to come help me come back to you . I need to be identified once again.  Come and quiet my soul. Hold me close to you and remove all this anxiousness away. 

Forgive me for I sinned against you and you only. This life is but a vapor and soon we will all wither and pass away and my one thing I want most is to be told ” well done , my good and faithful servant ” . 

Uphold me with your right hand. 

You came and spoke to me through my tears … You spoke to me through my breath breathing oxygen in , you let me know that you are close to me and you are holding me. You are what’s keeping me alive.  

You speak to your people in mysterious ways,  only you can fathom the depths of your greatness. You quieted me with your love and gave me hope again to make it another day. 

 

I just want to encourage someone out there to not give up . I felt like giving up tonight but God came through for me , once again. This christian walk is not easy, it’s the hardest.  But I can’t give up , I came too far to turn around. I have a lot to work on ! I’m messed up in so many ways but that’s what makes me more vulnerable to come before my God. 

There’s days where you just need to cry seriously cry just like a newborn ,, I felt like a baby needing the Lord to come and soothe me ,  today was one of those nights where I didn’t have words but just tears. 

Romans8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

 I’m almost 30 years old yet tonight I felt like I was 5 , needing a parent to come and hold me.  God knows everything about us and how he needs to speak to us to get us to change or come closer to him, Because he is our father and our Identity.   So I’m choosing to trust in him. Hope you do also! 

Thank you for reading 

#Mommy under Construction 

 

Mommy under construction

Hebrews 10:23

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful;

I’m still here Lord… do you see me?

I’m still waiting on you Lord , did you forget me? I’m weak and fragile . My faith is fading, come to me.

Do it again Lord, Deliver me , Set me free , set me on the Rock that is higher than I.

Oh, Lord I know you have the power to do so.

I wake up in the morning with a heavy heart , full of yesterday’s baggage.

My heart is overwhelmed with insecurities and Doubt .

Doubt that the Lord can work in my behalf too!

I’m the best at encouraging other’s but when it comes to myself , I’m the worst.

I come downstairs to prepare breakfast for my kids with tears in my eyes as I turn to do the dishes.

do they ever know the true reason why I cry secretly?

Do they know the spiritual battles that im facing in my life? No! Our children don’t understand. They hate seeing me upset all of the time. If I can go back to being a child again I would be free of these tormenting thoughts and feelings I face .

I’m always trying to do what’s right, always trying to make sure I’m not out of line, and in the end I’m left disappointed because I always fail. I wish I was that perfect mom that never gets upset , that mom that replies back in compassion and not in frustration.

I wish that one day would go by without tears in my eyes. I have a full house of people but yet feel so alone.

Do my friends and family think that I really have it together? do they really see me happy when I smile? because that’s not the case.

Behind my smile there’s a aching heart , a heart that feels distant and alone.

Some days I need love and some days I want to be left alone.

Some days I want to conquer the world and some days I watch it fade before my eyes.

Some days I feel alive and some days I feel like I don’t even exist.

My heart ultimately desires and wants the Lord.

I desire to be close to him.

My imperfections don’t exclude me from his grace. His grace is sufficient for me.

My mind began to change its thinking…you see we’re all naturally broken people, wanting , seeking, desiring MORE out of life.

Our circumstances and failures don’t disqualify us from his plan. The Lord ALREADY knew that we would go through these battles . Some struggle more than others. Im learning that I dont have to be that PERFECT mom . I’m learning that I’m still being worked on and molded into his likeness.

I’m shifting my focus off MYSELF (I) and looking to other’s who may need someone to look up to, Someone to encourage and bless.

Sometimes we Have to encourage ourselves.

Why are you downcast my soul?!!!

I was downcast and oppressed , because I allowed it.

I decided to STOP fixing the wrong things in my life and left my self to be broken in pieces before the Lord; When I am weak I am Strong.

• Daily I’m reminded that he is my builder and he is constructing me into the Mother and Wife he had called me to be. He is faithful and he will do it again for me. He will deliver me from any oppression that tries to have it’s way in me. Again, this all came from changing the way I think and encouraging myself in the Lord . I pray that you would do the same for he has never failed us and never will. Thank you for reading, God bless

#MommyUnderConstruction.

A Portrait of Grace

The greatest story of love is the story of Jesus Christ. Since the very beginning of the Bible, God has shown His love to man. Even though He requires death as punishment for sin, God promised a redeemer who would come to earth to save mankind. 

There is a story that i want to share with you …

There once was a young girl whose heart was fragile , fragile for the poor,  fragile for the lost , her heart brakes for people in need or hurting. She was very compassionate and sympathetic towards the poor especially. 

Her desire for the lord was one of the things that would stick out to you about her. 

But as all humans she had weaknesses that would come and bring her down.. thoughts of  “you’re not good enough” , “this is too hard for you!  You can’t  live for God!, go back to your old ways” The enemy would come and bring her past up or bring present situations to make her feel guilty . 

It’s Saturday and shes in a rush to get to prayer meeting .. a few days before prayer though ,  this girl felt it in her spirit to encourage her friends in the lord with these words :

 Hey ladies… I deeply feel like we all should try to get together again soon- whether hanging out, prayer/worship night, webcam, or whatever. I know that most of the times our flesh does not want to, but idk… personally for me it’s been a rough and long “week,” and I feel like anyone else including me, has definitely been in our own worlds, playing around with some of the same sins, or just overall fighting some old battles from the past that’s reappearing… we gotta keep the assembly together, to continually try to be here and support each other, uplift, encourage, motivate, and etc… it’s way too easy to let ourselves get caught up with our own worlds, our own lives, our own feelings… and I feel like it’s fake to say all this bc I’ve been doing exactly all this- in my own world, feelings/emotions, sins, etc… and then we come together to praise Jesus and glorify him… but it’s not fake at all… it’s knowing we are broken, need Jesus badly, need each other, and laying it at his feet and giving it to him and remembering that only he is worthy and deserving of ourselves and our worship…and building each other up, too. My flesh says nah, it’s cool. But dude… idk… All I know is that the word says “not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:25 I think. Our days may seem longer, but the days are actually getting shorter. Idk man. I know too many people around me that are/were believers and who knows the truth, but have/are falling away!!!!! It hurts and all these burdens… I miss all of you guys individually and also as a group. Not no cliche or anything, but as a group, team.

Ps we still have a mission to help the homeless. Souls

Her friend’s then reply with a  “YES! Lets continue with prayer meeting this week!” 

So as she’s driving in a rush to get to prayer night .. out of nowhere a traumatic horrible experiance occurs; a homeless man crosses the street, it was evening and in one quick second not looking without a thought   she accidentally hits this homeless man  ! This may seem crazy and questions may arise as to How?! Didn’t she pay attention!? But that wasnt the case at all. I believe God uses the good the BAD and the ugly for his purpose. 

A traumatized girl in shock and despair gets out of the car in panic and rushes to the poor homeless man ..so many thoughts flood her mind not knowing what to do or think.. thoughts come to her mind ; is he ok? Did I hurt him? How did this happen? … 

Thankfully this homeless man is okay !  The girl in panic and with compassion holds his arm and asks if he’s  ok? And if there’s anything hurting him? Thankfully just some minor side pain but nothing serious was wrong!

 Her heart is filled with so much compassion for him and starts apologizing to him , the homeless man was so kind towards her because he truly did see it was a accident and how much she was crying . She then offers him money she had left over $13 and some homeless bags which she coincidentally prepared together weeks before this happened to pass out to homeless people .  

The homeless man did NOT ask for one thing .. or did not threaten her that he will call the police.  He was so humble and kind. They just parted ways knowing that the girl will just drop off some homeless bags to his campsite where he was staying.. ( though he wasn’t relying on anything )..

The girl got back in her car just bawling … trying to process everything that just happened she amazingly thanked God that it wasn’t worse and is astonished that he didn’t want anything or even call the police?  She then calls her good friend to come meet her and to help her drop some bags off to the man .

They meet,  and try from there to go look for this man to give him the homeless bags this is all she could do to repay him for what happened..  but they couldn’t find him .

They began to drive back to the prayer meeting; stating that when its day light tomorrow “we can try to go and look for him”.  

 The good friend in the car receives this beautiful picture that the Lord   placed on her heart for his People all because of the traumatic experience that happened to her friend that night. 

Painted Grace:  

• The homeless man that was hit was a Representation of Jesus ; 

Who is more homeless than a person nailed up on a cross? Jesus had been stripped of his clothes to die in agony, with no home, no possessions, no bank account and hardly a friend within sight. 

Philippines 2:6-7 6Though he was God,^ahe did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.7Instead, he gave up his divine privileges^b;he took the humble position of a slave^cand was born as a human being.When he appeared in human form.

Jesus in no way is poor , but his demeanor is what im talking about. The homeless man was kind and humble and Excuzed the girl for the horrific thing she did of hitting him with the car..just like the story in John 8:10-1110Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”11“No, Lord,” she said.And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

What a God thing to do?! I mean , this homeless man does not have anything! Why would you not want justice or sue her for money? Im sure he could’ve used the money to move up and change his life .

• The homeless forgave her because he seen how aware she was of the awful thing that happened. 

The girl when she ran to him she was a mess and she came before him with all her heart to forgive her . She wasnt passive. Jesus is just like this too ! How can God forgive you if you’re not sorry? There has to be true repentance; a turning away from sin ..all he wants is our hearts ! To recognize our sin before him.  Just like in 1John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

• She deserved punishment 
  

The girl deserved the police to come out and  pay for what she has done… just like us we deserve hell . Ephesians 2:4-54 But God had so much loving-kindness. He loved us with such a great love. 5 Even when we were dead because of our sins, He made us alive by what Christ did for us. You have been saved from the punishment of sin by His loving-favor. 

This is Grace!  Un merited Favour !  Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. This is Love !  

God shook us that night , he encouraged us to see that His love for us exceeds our sin! 

He pardoned us and said im not looking at you’re flaws ! This is the story of The cross ! This is the Gospel that we are preaching! 

Luke 23:33-43

When they came to the place that is called The Skull, they crucified Jesus there with the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” 
You and I represent the two criminals on Jesus side we deserve Death but  in all his Mercy he turned to the criminal on the right and in his compassion seeing that the criminal wanted to be with him and believed that he was Jesus the Son of God , he told him “today you will be with me in paradise ” 

 This is what I’m talking about ! the portrait of Grace! he pardoned us because he loved us so much ! what a beautiful picture! Be encouraged and don’t let the things you’ve done separate you from him he has died for us because he wanted to draw Us near to him and his blood washes all our sin away every iniquity and every sickness he paid for it at the cross. Come near to him and give your life to Jesus Christ he is waiting for you.

P.s  I pray that you all are encouraged of the story in this blog.  It is actually a true story . The girl in the story that this happened to was my good friend  .  Aka  Holly saechin

A Portrait of GRACE 

There is power in you’re Breath

It’s you’r breath in my lungs and I pour out my praise I pour out my praise to you only..as  long as I have breath I will praise you Lord

Who is man That you are mindful of him? You created the stars and the moon  , the rivers and the seas ,   who are we to boast in ourselves ? You are mighty and rich ..you own it all ! All the Land’s , riches, and houses are all your’s. Great are you Lord.

My teeth are frail and my body is weak ..I’m tired and burdened ..

But I still sing to you ! 

I still sing because it is you’re breath!

 Its youre spirit that’s keeping me! Your Breath in me is power! It gives me strength to know that I have the Almighty’s Breath in me ! 

When I sing or shout he hears me he sees me and he knows me!  I’m alive everyday because you choose to give me Life!.. It’s your breath in my lungs , & I will pour out my praise to you only. 

The enemy  is attacking homes right now! he’s attacking marriages, finances & relationships .. I felt strongly as I was praying that the enemy is trying to quiet the Christians .. He doesn’t want you to speak or declare Loudly victory over you’re life , The enemy is trying to SHUSH you! The bigger the attack you’re facing the louder we should get !his breath in you he has left to shout unto him to pray and sing unto him!,use it! Its power! His breath gives us power to speak ! I feel that strongly in my spirit ! Now is the time to declare Jesu’s blood over our life .

He’s our defender and he fights all our battles. 

The enemy goes about seeking who to devour! Stand firm in you’re faith! Now is not the time to slack off.Now is not the time to give in to the enemy’s contract ! 
God wants to raise you up. Be sensitive to him. Seek him while he may be found. Make noise and shout Loudly to the Lord when there’s a trial or attack in your family. Sing a song to him , give him praise ! Open the door to victory in your life because its his breath in your lungs!
Conclusion

 writing this message was kind of difficult because I felt unworthy,Like, who am I to speak when I have not been doing great? but I am just so humbled to know that he still is so faithful and he sees my heart’s desire and that is to worship Him and serve him.

 I was not feeling good this week I was very weak and sick In my body, I couldn’t speak and it happened to be when I was alone that he came to me with his presence and I felt his power touch my body and he started to speak to me these words that I wrote in this blog.. I started to pray with power , his breath that is in me gave me power to speak and pray, because without his breath I would suffocate..I felt as I was interceding for something/someone there are attacks and trials I was praying against.  

  I just pray that you will be encouraged that if you are facing any attack in you’re life right now whatever it may be that God is there right beside us he is walking through fire with us and through the water and I am saying this to myself also this word is for me also I just want to encourage my friends and so forth whoever reads this that this is the time to stand up and fight back his breath in you is a gift and a sign that you are alive ! That means praise him and fight back with prayer when there is any attack in our life. Because your voice and words have power !

 be blessed amen.