I Decided to write about my Life Story and How I came to Christ so you have a better feel of who I really am. My last one I wrote, got deleted so here it is…..
My Name is Naomi Ciurar, I was Born on August 29/1988 in San Bernerdino California .
I remember my early child hood being a very timid and shy child; Mostly in school. I was so insecure as a child I remember dreading lunch time at school because I wouldn’t know who to sit by .. thankfully my mom arranged my sister to be in the same class as I so we would have each other.
There was this girl I will never forget in second grade who would always pick on me at school. One point she slapped me across my face in class ; no one really seen , I just turned around like nothing happened I was so shocked and hurt that she would do that. I hated that I never stood up for myself.
I would walk home from school as usual and when I would get home I would always see my mom on her knees crying and praying. I never understood as a child why she would pray so much but I knew it brought so much comfort.
There was a day I remember when me and my sister played outside and we found this needle that looked like a needle syringe ; we were about 8 and 7 years old had no idea that it was a used drug needle ..( I must add that in San Bernerdino we did live in not a great area. )
We picked it up and started playing with it.
My mom comes outside and immediately figures out what we were playing with and throws the needle out of our hands and took us inside the house. She took us to the sink to wash our hands and for some reason I began crying. I felt so scared after finding out what we were really playing with , I began worrying of what will happen to me I thought I was going to ” die”.
My mom got on her knees and began praying , I still today have no clue of why and how I began praying to God asking him to wash my sin away. I mean I was just 7 years old and no one! not even my mother thought me yet to understand the washing of sins away. I was crying on my knees and praying to God to protect and cleanse me of any harm. I will never forget that day. I seen God’s hand on my life even as a child.
As I got older I noticed I had a hard time speaking clear..Everytime I would speak, certain words I would feel as They were stuck in my throat and for it to come out I would have to stutter it.
My sister would always make fun of me, I hated it. It made me even more shut down at school. I had a hard time learning because I never spoke up to ask questions or get involved.
As a adult today stuttering has been something I have to overcome daily. It has put such a hold on me, and has stopped me from alot in my life. I control it well around friend’s and family, but in any spotlight situation or school setting I’m a mess. I get super nervous. It’s one of my flaws I accepted.
Around 11 years old I can say my life was changing. Puberty hit and I was dealing with so many emotions. My mom was there for me but didnt explain to me all these changes it left me curious and anxious .
I never understood all these hormones I was dealing with as a child and I believe things can be sparked in a negative way if you’re not careful. Even as a child the enemy will attack he doesn’t care how old you are. I began feeling these lustful feelings which at the time I had no clue what they were, but it was everytime I would play with that barbie doll I had bad lustful thoughts and didn’t know how to stop them. This was the beginning of a struggle for me thats quite embarrassing to write about.
In our romanian community writing or talking about anything lustful or sexual is embaressing and shameful. Its rather not talked about – as I was growing , I was waiting hoping for someone to save me or help me, talk to me about these thoughts- I hated them.
I wanted someone to bring this up ! I felt as if I was the only one going Through it.
These lustful thoughts for me became a strong hold.
Sadly I didn’t quite have a close relationship with my dad as I wanted . I really remember him only disciplining us when we would do something wrong but rarely never shown us love . It left a emptiness inside, I always longed for attention from someone .
Around 12 year’s old we moved to Portland, Oregon and that’s when everything changed. My mom and dad started their first Adult care home buisness.
It was always raining and gloomy, it was pretty depressing . It was pretty hard to adjust.
The time had come when me and my sister started school , we were both in 8th grade . We met our first friend’s in Oregon who we became close with and did everything together. As time passed We became rebellious and defiant towards our parents. We put my parents through alot of heartache and worries. Writing this as a mother now hurts me. If I can go back to change my attitude I would.
When I turned 13 year’s old my attitude and anger became bad. My parents were always trying to get me to convert to christianity but it wasn’t my thing . I never cared for it . It was just Not for me. Up until this point in my life I had so much self esteem issues so much strong holds. I felt too “Bad” for God. I was dealing with unhappiness also. I was trying to find my joy my pleasure in this world and although it was just for a moment , it never truly satisfied me.
Time had passed and my husband Mario, who was then just a friend of our family , visited portland he also came to visit my family and I.
We grew up together as young kids so it wasn’t odd that he came over to visit. Durring his stay we began talking and connecting, he then reveals through a friend that he likes me .. I was so excited for some reason . I was always attracted to him .
As we were dating long distance it became hard not seeing each other daily. I really wanted to be with him. My feelings for him became serious.
I was still 13 year’s old people ! It’s crazy to think if my daughter who is now 13 years old would go through this .. I can’t imagine.
I kept myself busy with hanging out with our friend’s and even got in friendships with the wrong crowd .. I became this mean rebellious child who loved going out to night clubs and dancing I also had plans when I was older to just have roommates and party.
Me and my sister ended up running away from home and was scared to come back home because of what my parents would do to us. We had plenty of opportunities for rape or kidnapping to happen but I believe now that the Lord protected us.. we would go to night clubs with these friends and we would just stare at everyone dance and drink and I would think to myself “I don’t belong here” .. now I don’t know why at that time I said that because Like I said I didnt care about anything christian I had Zero clue about true salvation..But I did hear that voice it was like it was the voice of God telling me that I have something more for you. One night When we were away from home we drove in a car with gangsters and they were shooting out in empty fields just for fun .. I mean just thinking back now what could’ve happen to us still triggers me, God truly protected us even when we were rebellious and clueless.. I believe it was my parents prayers that kept us.
I’m ashamed of what we put our parents through! they were worried day and night for 3 days wondering where we were .
We called our mom and told her we’re starving and asked her to forgive us and if she can pick us up. She did and brought us home and that’s when the punishment began … my dad comes right behind me I didn’t know what he was going to do but he had a scissor in his hand and just chopped OFF my long hair ! I was wearing a long gangster shirt black eyeliner dark lipstick orange colored hair I mean I became this little gangster girl .. my parents had enough of our rebellious acts and had to do the extreme just to settle us… that probably was the worst day ever.
When mario came to visit again my mom seen that we were serious and I was having a hard time living without him . They brought up marriage… now remember I’m about to turn 14 years old now and My parents are choosing this for me because they were sick and tired of our bad ways and thought if I get married I’ll change my ways and settle down and be serious.
We got married on May 16 2003 in Reno, CA I was 14 year’s old
Everything was a mess in the beginning we didn’t have anything and we were struggling. After 2 weeks of me being married I found out I was pregnant! I was having a hard time with the pregnancy because everything was changing and reality hit me and I felt a depression come over me I wasn’t ready to have a child I felt so young and me and Mario had a lot of problems and fights it was really hard being married at a young age I had no clue how to be a wife.
When my first daughter came Larissa she completely changed my life I was the best mom ever! everything came natural to me it was like I was born to be a mother- but me and Mario were still having a hard time in our marriage there wasn’t any compromising sacrificing there was a lot of selfishness on my part and I still had that rebellious spirit in me I still struggled with the lustful thoughts it became a part of my identity it was who I thought I was, I was a angry person I don’t know why I was just always angry and would have fits of Rage.
When I turn 17 years old I had my second daughter Emily, but before I gave birth to her around 7 months in my pregnancy I had a problem with my kidney- my right kidney was inflammated- I couldn’t urinate it was so painful my urine was black until I gave birth, it was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my whole entire life! it was worse than kidney stones and they had to place a stent in me.. it was pretty bad I never had anything wrong with me and at that point in my life is when a open door came for God to speak to me.
you see I was a rebellious closed off to Christianity person I didn’t care about Christians I thought they were prideful they were not my type of people to be around and religion was not my thing at all ! I thought God was too holy to even look unto me but God knows when your time is and he came and spoke to me through someone.
I received a phone call from a family member telling me that God wants to heal me but I need to repent – I was so confused because I didn’t know how to repent I had no emotion or feeling to come to Jesus at all! I didn’t want to I was so comfortable in my mess that I was too lazy to make any changes. I still got on my knees though but I was clueless I didn’t know how to pray I didn’t know what to say .. all I said was ” I’m sorry Jesus for all the bad things I’ve done , please take this kidney pain away”.. but nothing changed.
I was admitted in the hospital because they had to keep an eye on me closely and make sure baby is not affected.
At this time I was having multiple panic attacks – they would just come over me and I would Freak out! I hated them . At 38 weeks I finally had to get enduced because my kidney problem was not getting better .
I finally delivered Emily, and When she came out she wasn’t breathing- a whole bunch of doctor’s rushed in – I had no clue what was going on but I did remember my mom who was by my side she began praying for my baby . Shortly after a few moments working on her Emily was breathing perfectly.
When I was released out of the hospital that’s when reality hit me – I was struggling bad. Still had panic attacks still had fear.. My mother calls me with a dream that she had about me, she dreamt that I died and everyone in my family all sat in a row on the couch with opened bibles. What scared her most in the dream was that I was dead. She told me that I needed to come to Christ and give my life over to him. But this time I was mad when she told me this dream .. I said “leave me alone with your dream I dont care” I told her it’s hard to be christian I dont want to .
My parent’s decide to do a prayer night at my house and invite everyone from there church
My sister was the first one to have a encounter with God . She was crying and shaking ..I was like wow ! Is God real? I wanted that too! I became jealous because I wanted to feel God too! I was praying saying sorry to God but I didn’t feel anything.. I was so sad I was so mad ..I wanted to be changed too.
My mom sees that after a week I’m still upset about it so she comes over again with just my friend’s and talks to me about the bible .
I NEVER OPENED or READ ANY BIBLE VERSES IN MY LIFE up until this point .
My mom reads the first verse :
I said wow okay.. I was happy to hear this.
Then here comes my life changing moment!
At 18 years old In my Living Room with my mom and friends and husband around I say a prayer request : That when I Die I know I’ll be in Heaven , annnd TO FEEL THE PRESENCE OF GOD!” NOW when I said the Word PRESENCE! my Both Hands went straight up in the air and I fell to my knees and began Praying words I NEVER PRAYED OR LEARNED BEFORE!
I SURRENDERED THAT DAY EVERYTHING TO JESUS! I felt His Hands upon my Hands in perfect form! I had sweat dripping down my back , I was on my knees for 3 hours! All my friends were just staring at me like wow what happened!
I got up after praying and felt filled double the amount I asked for ! I wanted just a little of his presence but because of my hunger He filled me, he fed me, he saturated me. It was such a supernatural encounter I’ll never forget that Day!
The next day I woke up I had a dream that I had a long white sleeve shirt on with praise words on it like: Hallelujah! I praise you Jesus! Glory!.. it was amazing!
When I was on my knees that night I want to mention that God DELIVERED ME FROM LUSTFUL DEMONIC THOUGHTS , ANGER , FEAR, FITS OF RAGE , Stubbornness, depression, panic attacks, I finally had peace! I had joy , love I had purpose! I felt like yes! this is why I was born to meet Jesus and tell others about this amazing experience! this New desire! A hunger for the Lord was so refreshing to my spirit I finally had hope.
I felt like a truly NEW creature! I WAS FREE HE SET ME FREE
Thank you for reading God bless ❤